Not there yet

"You are able to do a lot more than you think you are able to do."

- was the conclusion of a discerning elder friend when I shared with him how God had been leading me thus far, and my interests and passions.

If I’m to be doing a whole lot more than I’m doing now I need to: a) prioritise a lot more carefully and strategically abandon things that get in the way of the vocational work; and b) avoid idols like the plague that they are, and focus on the work God has called me to do and on the relationship with him that he has called me into.

How can I focus on my colleagues more effectively? Perhaps their photos would help. My passion is people (well, within reason: I’m a hermit too). I would love to shake off my administrative responsibilities vis-à-vis people and just have the caring for and stirring up side of things. If the two can be separated.

A friend shared with me his desire to be less of a people-pleaser and be willing to stick his neck out more. I can really identify with that. Can I be a stirrer-upper, one who enters a situation, stirs things up (motivation, passion, enthusiasm), and leaves the local team to enjoy the result?

"You are able to do a lot more than you think you are able to do." I’m too cautious; I’m not free: lacking spontaneity, and a sticking out of the neck. Improving though!

Michael

Reflections after a holiday in the Norwegian fjords

Two things made this a perfect holiday:
a) a great time together as a family
b) the grandeur of creation

I publicly celebrate the joy I have in my family! My wife. My daughter. My son. I love them. We love each other. We are an encouragement and support to one another, and it’s great, it's fun, being together!

And the grandeur of creation. “And behold it was very good.” Mountainous land is so much more interesting than flat land. The fjells plunging straight down into the sea. The islands rising up vertically from the waves.

Was the holiday renewal for “normal work”? I don’t know yet! The pedantic details of admin life seem so foreign, so silly, so irrelevant when faced with the wild and the free. Why do we get ourselves so bogged down? What can we do to avoid getting so bogged down? Is this where Mick is coming from all the time? He has experienced the wild and free, but he is chained to a desk job. How can we bring the wild and free into “normal” life? And not just normal work life but normal family life.

I now have an inbox with 171 new messages. How does the wild and the free, the wilderness and the mountain, the fjord and the fjell help me address this? I can’t stop others from getting bogged down in beaurocracy; I can make an effort to keep out myself. But in my position I ought to be able to cut through the red tape, to set others free from insufferable admin.

Send me your comments! How?

Michael

The truth sets you free

Apologies to all my readers that five days have gone by and I've not posted anything. This week has been hectic and non-stop. For your meditation today, though, some thoughts from John 8:

Action: Keep on obeying my teachings.
Result: You will know the truth.
Long-term impact: You will be set free. (The truth will set you free.)

These are continues actions, like “If you go on believing in him you will go on having eternal life.” It was the long-term impact (you will be set free) that the people challenged. Being set free, it seems, didn’t meet a felt need. If I think I’m already free I will have no desire to follow a route designed to set me free.

Jesus elaborates, “Everyone who sins is a slave to sin.” Freedom from slavery; freedom from sin. Again the aspect is continuous: “whoever goes on sinning”. Then Jesus says, “A slave is not a permanent member of the family.” What a liberating statement! What a liberating statement! I may be a slave to sin, but I am not a permanent member of the family of sin. Since I’m only a slave of the family of sin and not a son in the family of sin I can be set free! And Jesus gives me the route: obey his teaching which will help me know the truth which will set me free: the slave is liberated.

I am a son in the household of God, and a slave in the household of sin. My home is where I am a son. But it took my big brother to come and rescue me from the other household where I was a prisoner. And if my big brother sets me free – he’s the Son with a capital “S” – I will indeed be free. No doubt about it.

Enjoy his freedom! Michael

The Eagle

Freedom can never be based on a lie. If I think I’m free because I’m living a lie or it’s based on a lie I’m deluding myself.

I can't be free in my own strength. I long to soar like the eagle. I dream of it, total freedom, no inhibitions, no restraints, soaring, diving, frolicking… “I was at his side each day, his darling and delight, playing in his presence continually, playing over his whole world, while my delight was in mankind," says Wisdom in Proverbs. What is the relationship between Wisdom and Freedom? Are they inseparable?

If I am going to be free I need to make wise choices. To choose to follow the Pioneer and Perfecter wherever he may lead – because I know he is the true, the only, Pioneer and Perfecter.

To choose to leave certain things behind. Things that can be represented by the cosy cage in which the Sea Eagle lives – the caged eagle; it has the potential but is choosing slavery and bondage because it is lazy and can’t be bothered to leave the security of bondage: “intoxicated with my sleep / dreaming of my world on heat / release me please / burning out from spinning in circles / blinded by my apathy / release me please / heaven calls my name” Heaven is calling me, calling me to freedom, to service, to effectiveness, to go do what makes me come alive, to obedience, to glory, to glorious fulfilment, to apprenticeship, to be a protégé of the Son of Man, to get out of my cage and into the wild – more dangers, more excitement, real life, less certainty.

There’s a stirring within me – but will I just slip back into dreaming of my world on heat? I like the metaphors, the Eagle soaring free. The free eagle has no certainly as to where the next meal will come from (unlike his counterpart in the zoo) – but has not Jesus promised, “Look at the birds in the sky: they do not sow and reap and store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them.”? So it’s OK for the Eagle. No worries!

But here am I still standing on the edge of the precipice, I know all the theory, all the theology; I’m even “living by faith” but I don’t think I really am: the saints provide regularly, and there’s no sense of getting down on my knees before my heavenly Father because I don’t know where the next meal is coming from… Anyway, here I am on the edge of the precipice. I know that if I jump the wings of God will take over and I will soar and glide and dive and cavort and frolic and dance and be truly free, gambolling in the air… But I will not be in control. I won’t know what’s coming next. And can I really believe that if I jump God will kick in, and I will rise on wings like eagle’s?

Yet I still pray, “Release me!”

And yet I still hold back, fearing that release.

Michael

Holding on

“Crucify the flesh.” A painful but necessary process. I don’t want to give God only half a heart – but that is what I am doing. The two most crucial passages in the OT are Exodus 34 (God’s love for us) and Deuteronomy 6 (our love for God). If I love God I will obey his commandments. I will do what he says. Not because he is imposing anything on me but that is a simple and straightforward application of love for our Holy God. Or do I forget he’s holy? Do I focus so much on the fact that he forgives me and gives me freedom that I forget to bow down before his holiness? And not just when singing Matt Redman’s Facedown but in my life, which is real worship.

I happened to pick up Kevin Prosch’s Kiss the Son to play over dinner. Passionate, heartfelt, authentic music. By the time I got to Holding on I was on my knees:

I’ve been tested and tried when you counted on me
But I failed you, oh I failed you
And the prayers I prayed, promises made
I could not keep them though I’ve tried

I should know by now that I can run to you
And you’ll embrace me, not forsake me
That it’s not my goodness, that caused you to love me
But in my failures you loved me still

And the weakness of God is stronger than the strength of man
And the shame is leaving now
This is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free
There is now no condemnation for those who are in you Lord
I still want to walk with you, to talk with you, to hear your voice

I’m holding on to the hem of your garment
I won’t let go till the blessing comes
I’m bowing low at the foot of the cross
For you my Lord I would give it all

I’m holding on to the hem of your garment
I won’t let go till the blessing comes
I’m bowing low at the foot of the cross
To be transformed this is what I want

How many ways could I tell you that I love you, oh I love you
How many ways could I tell you that I need you, oh I need you
You always provide and you care for me
I’m so grateful, so thankful
Everything is mine because I am yours
What else do I need when there is no more

You could offer me things, silver-lined dreams
But to be transformed into the image of God, this is what I want
To be drawn near to be set free

And in all my mistakes I know you love me still
I want to know what pleases you
I’m broken Lord I’m broken Lord.

I used to think that the line, I’m holding on to the hem of your garment, I won’t let go till the blessing comes was rather aggressive towards God. What right have I to hold him to ransom like that? But no, this line simply expresses my recognition of my desperate need. And isn’t it this “blessing” that I’ve been waiting for (rather half-heartedly) ever since I saw it in a vision in October last year (1st blog)? This is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free – that is what the vision was about and what I’ve been yearning for (rather half-heartedly) since: to be transformed into the image of God, this is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free… My problem is that I keep on letting go. I do not keep hold of the hem of Your garment, and so I flounder around with no progress and no blessing... holding on...

Holding on with you . . . Michael

The enigma of freedom

Freedom is an enigma. I’ve been speaking to others of my desire, calling even, to set others free. I recognise from the vision that I cannot do that unless I am free myself. I believe I can be and am already involved in setting others free. Since I have that focus in my own life it will inevitably spill out. But I’m not free in worship. At least, not in the environment of my Lahti fellowship. Others laugh, shout, wave banners, dance – actually, make fools of themselves in the Lord – but I do no more than raise my hands, clap, sing in tongues… Is it the environment that is holding me back? Is it that I don’t feel at home there? It’s true that I don’t really feel at home there. If I never went back again, there are no relationships that I would miss, and so there is no bond between me and them. In contrast perhaps, when it comes to worship with my work colleagues I do feel freer, within the boundaries of what is expected there. In Lahti I am one of the most conservative worshippers; when worshipping at work I am one of the most open. Because I feel at home in that environment. Because there is love (given and received). And I believe because I am able to use my gifts. In Lahti I am just pew fodder. Everywhere else I am able to help lead in some way.

But it’s as though I’ve woken up. But I have this earnest (passionate) desire to go out and make a difference. To cut the talking (we’ve done far too much of that as it is) and do something. Hence the strong focus and push on mentoring, growth plans, empowering, motivating – to get the desire and ability to make a difference out to the whole Group.

The battle with sin of course remains. I wonder whether following Dallas Willard’s curriculum for Christlikeness will make a difference? (http://www.dwillard.org/books/DivConsp.asp) It should, I guess, since what is being addressed is a transformation of the heart. And a change of heart is what is needed. Rules and regulations won’t make any difference. There’s always a way around them. It’s the heart that needs to be addressed, so that there will be no desire to search for a way around the rules and regulations, and so there will be no need for the rules and regulations themselves.

Michael

PS: Now I've worked out how to do hyperlinks (quite easy really)... Here's where you can get "Awake me": http://direct.crossrhythms.co.uk/cd.php?cd=7198. Go for it!

Helping others join the dance

I've been realising more and more clearly that it’s right here in my current job that God wants the vision to come true. In my current job I can be setting others free to be filled with and transformed by the Spirit so they can join in the dance. Back in 2003 when I was in the UK the "Prophetess of Birmingham" said that:
* God would use me double
* He’d call me to do a new thing
* God hadn’t finished with me in Russia (where my current work is)

What she didn’t give were the specifics. The vision recorded on Day One of this blog pointed to the nature of what God wanted me to do: set others free. In His strength, and having been set free myself by the Spirit of God. My friend in the the vision... I have a close friend here in the Russian work; we identified the same passion, and continue to share freely with each other. Is he the one?

And then the more recent "prophetic word". The message confirmed that God had given me his message. I wasn’t to wait for further revelations. God had spoken. The ball was now in my court.

And so recently I’ve taken specific steps. If I’m to be involved in liberating folk in my current work to join in the dance I need to equip myself. I’ve asked someone to mentor me in mentoring and doing growth plans. And she’s started on the mentoring in mentoring bit. Growth plans will follow soon.

How else can I liberate people in my current work? (I’m aware that I’m not really free myself: I need to address a number of fronts.) Is my close friend a key? Liberation comes together, in community, in the context of God’s worshipping people. However when I went to minister to someone in the vision it was by myself. And then came the incredible thirst – thirst for God.

“The truth shall set you free.” I’m seriously searching after truth. Real truth. The foundation is the truth that God is Love. That is who/what he is. He himself declared that in Exodus 34.6 when he gave his name to Moses (“The LORD, the LORD, a God compassionate and merciful, long-suffering, ever faithful and true”). That is why he forgives sin. It is in his very character. It is who he is. And so even the Psalmist could be so sure, the Psalmist who had never heard of Jesus (“As far as east is from west, so far from us has he put away our offences.”) God doesn’t forgive our sin because Jesus died. He forgives sin because of who he is. Jesus life and death in some mysterious way is simply part of the mechanics.

Looking forward to your comments . . . Michael

Freedom is dangerous

Galatians 5.13: “You, dear friends, have been called to live in freedom – not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love.”

I am a battlefield, but at the moment I’m winning. The sinful nature and the freedom I have in the Spirit of God are battling it out - all the time.

“These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict” (v17)

True. But I do have a choice. As C S Lewis writes, “Our [Screwtape’s] cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemy’s [God’s] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”

What is asked of me is to serve others in love. That is the positive that must counterbalance the urge to satisfy the sinful nature; counterbalance in the sense that when the sinful nature rears its ugly head and tries to dominate, the thing to focus on is serving others in love. I am free in Christ!
* But not set free to sin but set free to serve.
* Not set free for selfishness but set free for selflessness.
* Not set free to misuse others but to love.

But when twilight comes again, how will I stand firm? When I look around and see no support, just the allure of sin – how will I still obey? The answer in Galatians 5 is clearly the power of the Holy Spirit. God in me. God give me that song in the night! So that even when darkness closes in around me I will still remain true and spread God’s love! And even though I may ask why I have been forsaken, I will still obey.

Michael

An everlasting cycle?

It's scary. If the Spirit of God were to take control of me I would not be in control of myself. But on the other hand it would make the battle with sin a whole lot easier. What matters to me: What I really am, or what others think of me? So often I play to the gallery, and evaluate a particular course of action by what others will think. Is that authentic? Is that being free? Is that what God intends? Is that taking God seriously?

But life goes on. Until God steps in. This time in the form of someone at church with the gift of prophecy. The prophecy was simple: "You know what God is saying to you." It took me a full week to realise what it was that God was saying to me! How could I have been so blind, so entangled in the sin that so easily pervades, that I'd entirely forgotten, I'd failed to see! I long to rise up on wings like eagles. But to whom does that happen? “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength and mount up on wings like eagles.” My “waiting on the Lord” has been virtually non-existent.

Is there always this everlasting cycle? The night, the dawn, the day, the fading light, the night, the dawn… The night, the time when we cannot see the unseen, when temptations ravage as all we can see are the bright colours that entice and drag us away. The dawn when God brings us back to our senses. The day when we can see God and the vision he has for us. But then the light fades and the synthetic attractions raise their ugly head once again and the sin that so easily entangles entangles us once again. But it doesn’t have to entangle! Sing your praises in the night! But even Paul was perpetually battling with sin in Romans 7. Who will deliver me from this body of death! Come, Lord Jesus! Be the centre, the source, the vision, the path, my guide, so that

High King of Heaven, when battle is done
Grant Heaven’s joy to me Bright Heaven’s Sun.

Michael

Be authentic!

Dream? Vision? Who can tell? Well, not every dream is a vision, and not every vision is a dream. But a dream can be a vision and a vision can be a dream. And I firmly believe my dream was a vision. For starters, I woke up with it clearly and vividly in my mind, with a clear awareness that God had spoken to me. And so I wrote it down right away. We know that God does speak through dreams. We find it in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, and in Christian history. In the modern era it is particularly noticable amongst Muslims, whom God may speak to directly, through a dream.

But back to my vision. I was on a training course that week. And it began with devotions. We were randomly divided into groups. The subject was stones. My group was given Genesis 28.10-22 where God speaks to Jacob vividly in a dream and sets up a stone to commemorate the fact. That was confirmation no.1. Confirmation no.2 was this: the topic of the training course was training to be trainers, and we were put into pairs to write training modules on topics of our own choice. My partner's topic was "Being authentic." We made the Gil Bailie quote a central part of that module. (By the way, I've no idea who Gil Bailie is. I found the quote in John Eldredge's "Wild at Heart" - great book!) A key component of being set free is being set free to be yourself. And so to me this module topic that I kind of got landed with was a second confirmation that the vision was a vision.

What happened next? More tomorrow! Michael

I had a dream

Hello. Welcome. Awake Me. This blog is dedicated to helping you, helping me, to live the life God intended us to lead. Why these two particular quotes that I've put at the top of your screen? The first, Eyes wide open... comes from the song, Awake Me by the British band River Deep. The song is a prayer that God will set me free, wake me up, a vibrant, passionate prayer. Am I comfortably happy, fighting for passivity? Am I losing my focus of who God intends me to be? Heaven calls my name!

I had a dream, call it a vision if you like. I'm in a big Christian meeting, feeling self-conscious, not quite knowing what to do next. The worship leader is very close to me, and then as they begin the next song it isn’t a song of words and music but rhythmic clapping. My friends and I are a little unsure as to how to respond, but it feels right to join in the clapping. Then the Spirit of God releases us and we are set free, and my friend and I clasp each other in wild embrace and fall to the floor, rejoicing, free in the Spirit. I know clearly what to do next. Just as I received the Spirit of God from the worship leader, so I am to pass it on. And I go out amongst the congregation. They appear to be asleep. I go to one particular man, the one I am prompted to go to, and taking him by the hand say, “Arise, shine, wake up o sleeper, the glory of the Lord is risen upon you!” Whatever his needs were, they are met. He seems a little surprised, and very glad that he has been chosen, and filled with and transformed by the Spirit of God he gets up and joins the dance. After this I feel incredibly thirsty and need to find some water...

"Don't ask what the world needs..." Do I do my work out of duty or passion? OK, there's times when I must simply follow duty. But if that's all there is to my life I'm missing out on what God intends for me. He gave me my skills, my gifts, my passions. The world doesn't need a whole bunch of do-gooders; it needs people who have come alive, who are passionate about what they are doing. Who love what they are doing. Who believe in what they are doing. Who believe in what they are. As Evanescence pray, "Bring me to life!"