The Eagle

Freedom can never be based on a lie. If I think I’m free because I’m living a lie or it’s based on a lie I’m deluding myself.

I can't be free in my own strength. I long to soar like the eagle. I dream of it, total freedom, no inhibitions, no restraints, soaring, diving, frolicking… “I was at his side each day, his darling and delight, playing in his presence continually, playing over his whole world, while my delight was in mankind," says Wisdom in Proverbs. What is the relationship between Wisdom and Freedom? Are they inseparable?

If I am going to be free I need to make wise choices. To choose to follow the Pioneer and Perfecter wherever he may lead – because I know he is the true, the only, Pioneer and Perfecter.

To choose to leave certain things behind. Things that can be represented by the cosy cage in which the Sea Eagle lives – the caged eagle; it has the potential but is choosing slavery and bondage because it is lazy and can’t be bothered to leave the security of bondage: “intoxicated with my sleep / dreaming of my world on heat / release me please / burning out from spinning in circles / blinded by my apathy / release me please / heaven calls my name” Heaven is calling me, calling me to freedom, to service, to effectiveness, to go do what makes me come alive, to obedience, to glory, to glorious fulfilment, to apprenticeship, to be a protégé of the Son of Man, to get out of my cage and into the wild – more dangers, more excitement, real life, less certainty.

There’s a stirring within me – but will I just slip back into dreaming of my world on heat? I like the metaphors, the Eagle soaring free. The free eagle has no certainly as to where the next meal will come from (unlike his counterpart in the zoo) – but has not Jesus promised, “Look at the birds in the sky: they do not sow and reap and store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them.”? So it’s OK for the Eagle. No worries!

But here am I still standing on the edge of the precipice, I know all the theory, all the theology; I’m even “living by faith” but I don’t think I really am: the saints provide regularly, and there’s no sense of getting down on my knees before my heavenly Father because I don’t know where the next meal is coming from… Anyway, here I am on the edge of the precipice. I know that if I jump the wings of God will take over and I will soar and glide and dive and cavort and frolic and dance and be truly free, gambolling in the air… But I will not be in control. I won’t know what’s coming next. And can I really believe that if I jump God will kick in, and I will rise on wings like eagle’s?

Yet I still pray, “Release me!”

And yet I still hold back, fearing that release.

Michael

God be merciful to me a sinner

God be merciful to me a sinner. God be merciful to me a sinner. God be merciful to me a sinner.

The illogic of grace as someone put it. If God worked logically he’d zap us all rather quickly; well, me at least. You sin – you get punished. The End. Simple cause and effect. But God chooses to show mercy. He chooses to forgive. He chooses to give me a second chance. And a third chance, and forth, and fifth and 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 x 7 etc. The Christian life is not a matter of believing certain things but of living a certain kind of life. A life centred on loving God and responding to his love.

How can I love God? Well, first and foremost, as Scripture says, by doing what he says. “If you love me you will obey my commandments.” So why do I find it so hard to put this key revelation into practice, and so routinely fail to do what I know God wants?

Secondly I can show my love of God by respecting him and all that he has made. If I claim to love God but do not give two hoots for the world he has made and the millions made in his image across the world, I am no more than the Newhaven fog horn letting off steam.

Loving God is not giving mental assent to the “truth” I love God. Loving God is a matter of action. Just as having faith in God is not a matter of giving mental assent to a bunch of doctrines. It is a matter of action. Why do we get so bogged down in the mechanics of the Christian life that we omit to live it? Like having a brand new iPod, and working out as exactly as I can how it works and why it can achieve what it does – but failing to fill my soul with the beautiful music it was designed to produce.

God have mercy on me a sinner. God have mercy of me a sinner. God have mercy on me a sinner.

The Passion of the Christ

In The Passion of the Christ the person I identified with was Simon of Cyrene. A family man, just happened to be there, and then gets roped in, reluctantly, against his will. But then finding himself yoked together with the blood-stained Christ he becomes strong. He encourages Christ. He yells at the soldiers who are mocking and frolicking and treating Christ as something less than a savage wild beast. The soldiers could have killed Simon, but he puts them in their place. And then Simon presses on, shoulder to shoulder with Christ, who cannot make it on his own. At the end, though, the soldiers just shove him back ignominiously into the crowd. But we know that that’s not the end. He became a follower of Christ, and his sons were well known members, maybe pillars, of the church by the time Mark wrote his Gospel. “They compelled a passer-by, who was coming in from the country, to carry his cross; it was Simon of Cyrene, the father of Alexander and Rufus.” Mark 15.21.

Holding on

“Crucify the flesh.” A painful but necessary process. I don’t want to give God only half a heart – but that is what I am doing. The two most crucial passages in the OT are Exodus 34 (God’s love for us) and Deuteronomy 6 (our love for God). If I love God I will obey his commandments. I will do what he says. Not because he is imposing anything on me but that is a simple and straightforward application of love for our Holy God. Or do I forget he’s holy? Do I focus so much on the fact that he forgives me and gives me freedom that I forget to bow down before his holiness? And not just when singing Matt Redman’s Facedown but in my life, which is real worship.

I happened to pick up Kevin Prosch’s Kiss the Son to play over dinner. Passionate, heartfelt, authentic music. By the time I got to Holding on I was on my knees:

I’ve been tested and tried when you counted on me
But I failed you, oh I failed you
And the prayers I prayed, promises made
I could not keep them though I’ve tried

I should know by now that I can run to you
And you’ll embrace me, not forsake me
That it’s not my goodness, that caused you to love me
But in my failures you loved me still

And the weakness of God is stronger than the strength of man
And the shame is leaving now
This is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free
There is now no condemnation for those who are in you Lord
I still want to walk with you, to talk with you, to hear your voice

I’m holding on to the hem of your garment
I won’t let go till the blessing comes
I’m bowing low at the foot of the cross
For you my Lord I would give it all

I’m holding on to the hem of your garment
I won’t let go till the blessing comes
I’m bowing low at the foot of the cross
To be transformed this is what I want

How many ways could I tell you that I love you, oh I love you
How many ways could I tell you that I need you, oh I need you
You always provide and you care for me
I’m so grateful, so thankful
Everything is mine because I am yours
What else do I need when there is no more

You could offer me things, silver-lined dreams
But to be transformed into the image of God, this is what I want
To be drawn near to be set free

And in all my mistakes I know you love me still
I want to know what pleases you
I’m broken Lord I’m broken Lord.

I used to think that the line, I’m holding on to the hem of your garment, I won’t let go till the blessing comes was rather aggressive towards God. What right have I to hold him to ransom like that? But no, this line simply expresses my recognition of my desperate need. And isn’t it this “blessing” that I’ve been waiting for (rather half-heartedly) ever since I saw it in a vision in October last year (1st blog)? This is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free – that is what the vision was about and what I’ve been yearning for (rather half-heartedly) since: to be transformed into the image of God, this is what I want, to be drawn near, to be set free… My problem is that I keep on letting go. I do not keep hold of the hem of Your garment, and so I flounder around with no progress and no blessing... holding on...

Holding on with you . . . Michael

Fire: the character of God

God forgives sin because of who God is. His character. See Exodus 34.6-7: "Yahweh, Yahweh, a God compassionate and merciful, long-suffering, ever faithful and true, remaining faithful to thousands of generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion and sin but without acquitting the guilty, one who punishes children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation for the iniquity of their fathers!" Note in passing that forgiveness lasts for thousands of generations but punishment for only three or four. Maximum.

Dallas Willard says, “I am thoroughly convinced that God will let everyone into heaven who, in his considered opinion, can stand it.” And continues: “But ‘standing it’ may prove to be a more difficult matter… The fires in heaven may be hotter than those in the other place.” (The Divine Conspiracy, p330) Which means that a) Steve Chalke may be write when he says that the only thing that keeps us out of heaven is our own refusal to respond to God (or something like that); and b) my own "our God is a consuming fire" thesis may not be too far wrong after all.

Our God is a consuming fire is a book I have drafted bits of but never got round to working on properly. Its argument is that "hell" (Dallas's “the other place”) is not separate from God himself. If there are fires in heaven (which is rather likely since our God is a consuming fire) what need is there of another place (hell) with fire in it? What we know as "hell" is the flip-side of God. God is a consuming fire. Get on the wrong side of him, and his fire will consume you (consume, NOT torment endlessly); get on the right side of God and his fires will complete the refining process that he is already doing in you.

God forgives sin. He does that because it is ingrained in his character. Jesus’ death is the means by which he forgives sins but not the reason why he forgives sin. And so on that basis everyone, anyone is welcome into heaven. “If you can stand it.” Or it may be that the fires of heaven are too hot and our God who is a consuming fire will consume you. It seems likely that if I have got used to living in the light, looking to the light, moving closer to the source of the light, that I will survive the fires of heaven. For fire gives light. Light gives heat. The two cannot be separated. More than that, the Light is the Centre of my being. I love the Light. The Light shines in me and through me. And so when I approach the Light, the Fire in heaven, it will be a coming home.

Michael

Jesus, be the centre

Hi there! Aplogies to all my faithful followers that I didn't post anything last night. My ISP was down. Just come home now from a Grieg concert. Rousing, passionate stuff.

I feel as though I’m on the edge of something big, something important, something exciting, mind-blowing, life-changing. To live one’s life oriented around Jesus, the centre.

Jesus is the centre. All mankind is around him, some close, some far away. Imagine him as the light – don’t need to imagine, He is the Light. And his radiance goes out to the ends of the earth, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never mastered it.” What is important isn’t how close you are to the Light. That is not your fault (as it were). What is important is which way you are facing. Are you looking to the Centre or are you looking away? Looking toward the Light or into the darkness? And more than looking: which way are you moving? Jesus is the Centre. He is the One. He is the one around which all revolves, all must revolve, I must revolve, to whom I must be looking. Am I drawing closer to him, getting further into the Light, or am I moving away from him? That is what is vital.

A journey, not a position.

“Jesus be the centre” must be the key to experiencing God’s freedom, and then setting others free to experience his freedom. Even now, it’s only as much as I put Jesus at the centre that I am able to experience freedom and help others do the same.

Authenticity.

All for now! Michael

The enigma of freedom

Freedom is an enigma. I’ve been speaking to others of my desire, calling even, to set others free. I recognise from the vision that I cannot do that unless I am free myself. I believe I can be and am already involved in setting others free. Since I have that focus in my own life it will inevitably spill out. But I’m not free in worship. At least, not in the environment of my Lahti fellowship. Others laugh, shout, wave banners, dance – actually, make fools of themselves in the Lord – but I do no more than raise my hands, clap, sing in tongues… Is it the environment that is holding me back? Is it that I don’t feel at home there? It’s true that I don’t really feel at home there. If I never went back again, there are no relationships that I would miss, and so there is no bond between me and them. In contrast perhaps, when it comes to worship with my work colleagues I do feel freer, within the boundaries of what is expected there. In Lahti I am one of the most conservative worshippers; when worshipping at work I am one of the most open. Because I feel at home in that environment. Because there is love (given and received). And I believe because I am able to use my gifts. In Lahti I am just pew fodder. Everywhere else I am able to help lead in some way.

But it’s as though I’ve woken up. But I have this earnest (passionate) desire to go out and make a difference. To cut the talking (we’ve done far too much of that as it is) and do something. Hence the strong focus and push on mentoring, growth plans, empowering, motivating – to get the desire and ability to make a difference out to the whole Group.

The battle with sin of course remains. I wonder whether following Dallas Willard’s curriculum for Christlikeness will make a difference? (http://www.dwillard.org/books/DivConsp.asp) It should, I guess, since what is being addressed is a transformation of the heart. And a change of heart is what is needed. Rules and regulations won’t make any difference. There’s always a way around them. It’s the heart that needs to be addressed, so that there will be no desire to search for a way around the rules and regulations, and so there will be no need for the rules and regulations themselves.

Michael

PS: Now I've worked out how to do hyperlinks (quite easy really)... Here's where you can get "Awake me": http://direct.crossrhythms.co.uk/cd.php?cd=7198. Go for it!

Helping others join the dance

I've been realising more and more clearly that it’s right here in my current job that God wants the vision to come true. In my current job I can be setting others free to be filled with and transformed by the Spirit so they can join in the dance. Back in 2003 when I was in the UK the "Prophetess of Birmingham" said that:
* God would use me double
* He’d call me to do a new thing
* God hadn’t finished with me in Russia (where my current work is)

What she didn’t give were the specifics. The vision recorded on Day One of this blog pointed to the nature of what God wanted me to do: set others free. In His strength, and having been set free myself by the Spirit of God. My friend in the the vision... I have a close friend here in the Russian work; we identified the same passion, and continue to share freely with each other. Is he the one?

And then the more recent "prophetic word". The message confirmed that God had given me his message. I wasn’t to wait for further revelations. God had spoken. The ball was now in my court.

And so recently I’ve taken specific steps. If I’m to be involved in liberating folk in my current work to join in the dance I need to equip myself. I’ve asked someone to mentor me in mentoring and doing growth plans. And she’s started on the mentoring in mentoring bit. Growth plans will follow soon.

How else can I liberate people in my current work? (I’m aware that I’m not really free myself: I need to address a number of fronts.) Is my close friend a key? Liberation comes together, in community, in the context of God’s worshipping people. However when I went to minister to someone in the vision it was by myself. And then came the incredible thirst – thirst for God.

“The truth shall set you free.” I’m seriously searching after truth. Real truth. The foundation is the truth that God is Love. That is who/what he is. He himself declared that in Exodus 34.6 when he gave his name to Moses (“The LORD, the LORD, a God compassionate and merciful, long-suffering, ever faithful and true”). That is why he forgives sin. It is in his very character. It is who he is. And so even the Psalmist could be so sure, the Psalmist who had never heard of Jesus (“As far as east is from west, so far from us has he put away our offences.”) God doesn’t forgive our sin because Jesus died. He forgives sin because of who he is. Jesus life and death in some mysterious way is simply part of the mechanics.

Looking forward to your comments . . . Michael

Freedom is dangerous

Galatians 5.13: “You, dear friends, have been called to live in freedom – not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love.”

I am a battlefield, but at the moment I’m winning. The sinful nature and the freedom I have in the Spirit of God are battling it out - all the time.

“These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict” (v17)

True. But I do have a choice. As C S Lewis writes, “Our [Screwtape’s] cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemy’s [God’s] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”

What is asked of me is to serve others in love. That is the positive that must counterbalance the urge to satisfy the sinful nature; counterbalance in the sense that when the sinful nature rears its ugly head and tries to dominate, the thing to focus on is serving others in love. I am free in Christ!
* But not set free to sin but set free to serve.
* Not set free for selfishness but set free for selflessness.
* Not set free to misuse others but to love.

But when twilight comes again, how will I stand firm? When I look around and see no support, just the allure of sin – how will I still obey? The answer in Galatians 5 is clearly the power of the Holy Spirit. God in me. God give me that song in the night! So that even when darkness closes in around me I will still remain true and spread God’s love! And even though I may ask why I have been forsaken, I will still obey.

Michael

The power of vision

The power of vision. In order to reach for the future we need that glimpse of the future. In her song Sand in my shoes, Dido got her glimpse in a two week experience by the sea. (Praying for a glimpse of you...) If Dido had just been told about the other life she could have been leading, away from her flat on the road where the cars never stop going through the night, it would have sounded nice but would not have had the oomph for I wanna see you again, and neither would it have left the sand in her shoes, that perpetual itch so that she would never forget. The best way to instil vision is through experience.

But how to give folks that visionary experience? “Two weeks away, all it takes to change and turn me around I’ve fallen…” Dido’s vision for a new lifestyle came from experiencing that new lifestyle for two weeks. It included a human relationship. And then the second challenge is when I’m back home after the visionary experience: “Two weeks away it feels like the world should've changed, but I'm home now and things still look the same” – how to sustain the vision during the ordinariness of normal existence. The beginning of transformation and the sand in my shoes. The prophetic sand. And the I wanna see you again. The desire to live the vision.

My vision is to be set free and for you to be set free. God is putting that sand in my shoes so that I won't lose the vision. We don't need to be content with ordinariness. I still haven't found what I'm looking for, sang U2. If I think I've found all there is to look for I've lost the sand in my shoes. There is more to life that what I'm experiencing now.

An everlasting cycle?

It's scary. If the Spirit of God were to take control of me I would not be in control of myself. But on the other hand it would make the battle with sin a whole lot easier. What matters to me: What I really am, or what others think of me? So often I play to the gallery, and evaluate a particular course of action by what others will think. Is that authentic? Is that being free? Is that what God intends? Is that taking God seriously?

But life goes on. Until God steps in. This time in the form of someone at church with the gift of prophecy. The prophecy was simple: "You know what God is saying to you." It took me a full week to realise what it was that God was saying to me! How could I have been so blind, so entangled in the sin that so easily pervades, that I'd entirely forgotten, I'd failed to see! I long to rise up on wings like eagles. But to whom does that happen? “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength and mount up on wings like eagles.” My “waiting on the Lord” has been virtually non-existent.

Is there always this everlasting cycle? The night, the dawn, the day, the fading light, the night, the dawn… The night, the time when we cannot see the unseen, when temptations ravage as all we can see are the bright colours that entice and drag us away. The dawn when God brings us back to our senses. The day when we can see God and the vision he has for us. But then the light fades and the synthetic attractions raise their ugly head once again and the sin that so easily entangles entangles us once again. But it doesn’t have to entangle! Sing your praises in the night! But even Paul was perpetually battling with sin in Romans 7. Who will deliver me from this body of death! Come, Lord Jesus! Be the centre, the source, the vision, the path, my guide, so that

High King of Heaven, when battle is done
Grant Heaven’s joy to me Bright Heaven’s Sun.

Michael

Be authentic!

Dream? Vision? Who can tell? Well, not every dream is a vision, and not every vision is a dream. But a dream can be a vision and a vision can be a dream. And I firmly believe my dream was a vision. For starters, I woke up with it clearly and vividly in my mind, with a clear awareness that God had spoken to me. And so I wrote it down right away. We know that God does speak through dreams. We find it in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, and in Christian history. In the modern era it is particularly noticable amongst Muslims, whom God may speak to directly, through a dream.

But back to my vision. I was on a training course that week. And it began with devotions. We were randomly divided into groups. The subject was stones. My group was given Genesis 28.10-22 where God speaks to Jacob vividly in a dream and sets up a stone to commemorate the fact. That was confirmation no.1. Confirmation no.2 was this: the topic of the training course was training to be trainers, and we were put into pairs to write training modules on topics of our own choice. My partner's topic was "Being authentic." We made the Gil Bailie quote a central part of that module. (By the way, I've no idea who Gil Bailie is. I found the quote in John Eldredge's "Wild at Heart" - great book!) A key component of being set free is being set free to be yourself. And so to me this module topic that I kind of got landed with was a second confirmation that the vision was a vision.

What happened next? More tomorrow! Michael

I had a dream

Hello. Welcome. Awake Me. This blog is dedicated to helping you, helping me, to live the life God intended us to lead. Why these two particular quotes that I've put at the top of your screen? The first, Eyes wide open... comes from the song, Awake Me by the British band River Deep. The song is a prayer that God will set me free, wake me up, a vibrant, passionate prayer. Am I comfortably happy, fighting for passivity? Am I losing my focus of who God intends me to be? Heaven calls my name!

I had a dream, call it a vision if you like. I'm in a big Christian meeting, feeling self-conscious, not quite knowing what to do next. The worship leader is very close to me, and then as they begin the next song it isn’t a song of words and music but rhythmic clapping. My friends and I are a little unsure as to how to respond, but it feels right to join in the clapping. Then the Spirit of God releases us and we are set free, and my friend and I clasp each other in wild embrace and fall to the floor, rejoicing, free in the Spirit. I know clearly what to do next. Just as I received the Spirit of God from the worship leader, so I am to pass it on. And I go out amongst the congregation. They appear to be asleep. I go to one particular man, the one I am prompted to go to, and taking him by the hand say, “Arise, shine, wake up o sleeper, the glory of the Lord is risen upon you!” Whatever his needs were, they are met. He seems a little surprised, and very glad that he has been chosen, and filled with and transformed by the Spirit of God he gets up and joins the dance. After this I feel incredibly thirsty and need to find some water...

"Don't ask what the world needs..." Do I do my work out of duty or passion? OK, there's times when I must simply follow duty. But if that's all there is to my life I'm missing out on what God intends for me. He gave me my skills, my gifts, my passions. The world doesn't need a whole bunch of do-gooders; it needs people who have come alive, who are passionate about what they are doing. Who love what they are doing. Who believe in what they are doing. Who believe in what they are. As Evanescence pray, "Bring me to life!"