The Eagle

Freedom can never be based on a lie. If I think I’m free because I’m living a lie or it’s based on a lie I’m deluding myself.

I can't be free in my own strength. I long to soar like the eagle. I dream of it, total freedom, no inhibitions, no restraints, soaring, diving, frolicking… “I was at his side each day, his darling and delight, playing in his presence continually, playing over his whole world, while my delight was in mankind," says Wisdom in Proverbs. What is the relationship between Wisdom and Freedom? Are they inseparable?

If I am going to be free I need to make wise choices. To choose to follow the Pioneer and Perfecter wherever he may lead – because I know he is the true, the only, Pioneer and Perfecter.

To choose to leave certain things behind. Things that can be represented by the cosy cage in which the Sea Eagle lives – the caged eagle; it has the potential but is choosing slavery and bondage because it is lazy and can’t be bothered to leave the security of bondage: “intoxicated with my sleep / dreaming of my world on heat / release me please / burning out from spinning in circles / blinded by my apathy / release me please / heaven calls my name” Heaven is calling me, calling me to freedom, to service, to effectiveness, to go do what makes me come alive, to obedience, to glory, to glorious fulfilment, to apprenticeship, to be a protégé of the Son of Man, to get out of my cage and into the wild – more dangers, more excitement, real life, less certainty.

There’s a stirring within me – but will I just slip back into dreaming of my world on heat? I like the metaphors, the Eagle soaring free. The free eagle has no certainly as to where the next meal will come from (unlike his counterpart in the zoo) – but has not Jesus promised, “Look at the birds in the sky: they do not sow and reap and store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them.”? So it’s OK for the Eagle. No worries!

But here am I still standing on the edge of the precipice, I know all the theory, all the theology; I’m even “living by faith” but I don’t think I really am: the saints provide regularly, and there’s no sense of getting down on my knees before my heavenly Father because I don’t know where the next meal is coming from… Anyway, here I am on the edge of the precipice. I know that if I jump the wings of God will take over and I will soar and glide and dive and cavort and frolic and dance and be truly free, gambolling in the air… But I will not be in control. I won’t know what’s coming next. And can I really believe that if I jump God will kick in, and I will rise on wings like eagle’s?

Yet I still pray, “Release me!”

And yet I still hold back, fearing that release.

Michael